The Lost.
The sexual act is the joining of two individuals, who are normally isolated within their own walls of flesh, attempting to melt into each other and towards a greater understanding of the primal "oneness" of the universe. Within the confines of the fuck these two beings attempt to recreate the initial circumstances of the big bang.
Contemporary Quantum physics, along with the Super-string theory, explains the greater distancing of individuals as the diversification of elements coming forth from the breaking down of the original parts of the universe while it cools and expands. Therefore, although human evolution is far removed from the initial explosion, buried deep in our sub-conscious, which has been evolving with the universe all along, is the memory of the time before the universal orgasm, or big bang.
The human orgasm is the closest related event we experience to the last moment before the bang. This moment is imprinted on the atoms that comprise both the cosmos and us as part of it. And so, we fuck to remember and to speed the process of entropy, which is the ultimate collapse and re-integration of all parts.
But why such promiscuious talk during the age of A.I.D.S?
You meet someone at a bar, drive drunk and fuck as if you knew what you were doing. Whether for a momentary connection, or to find what is missing in your life overall, we look for that "someone special. Each day we search for meaning and the fuck in itself is a means to an end .
But this news isn't anything new to you.
It is difficult to find someone who you honestly want to share emotions with and for all I know it seems to signify a re-connection to something primal and satisfying. The experience of "love at first sight" isn't only about infatuation. Other persons may be comprised of parts closely related to your own, but personal identity is disrupted when it becomes a component of a greater whole.
For me, the experience led to three moves, five cats, two pregnancy scares, and emotions only encountered when I lived with the person I loved— but unfortunately, for her and I, the Universe continues cooling. Our constitutions continue splitting into parts inconsistent with one another. Attempts to re-create the covalent bond between us have been unsuccessful, for it appears the universe is not yet on its back slide. At least not in our minds—
Ya see, with the light of a distant star being thousands, if not millions of years old before it reaches my eyes, I wonder about the state of the thoughts in my head. Some intimate knowledge seems lost about the direction in which the universe flows?
(pause) oral notation
Recently intimate knowledge between myself and several friends has been on the bacterial level, and riddled with childish metaphors for the acquisition of information.
As a newborn our lips and tongue bring in the outside world, which is opposed to the role the mouth plays in adult life, the externalization of speech. You see, the taste buds are one of the first sensory organs to fully develop after birth. This is why a newborn puts its mouth on things. With the tongue on something, a child is acquiring knowledge of the world around it. The internalizing of information through the mouth is often ignored in adult life, that is unless you consciously explore the tongues possibilities. Oral sex is the most tactile form of learning -about your partner. It is through the mouth that you can literally digest the fluid information of your lover.
But as I hinted at before, There are complications to oral knowledge, such as partners with oral gonorrhea or a cold. Sometimes what you're learning is not what you want to know. But think for a moment about what sexual transmitted disease really means. There is an intimacy even in sharing an agent capable of causing death that would re-disperse your atoms back into the energy field.
But the intimacy of a Sexually Transmitted Disease is obscured by the mental colapse which it brings. Feelings of violation and guilt are pronounced and a person recedes back into the protective cavity of their own body and brain. But once inside one further worries, "Is there someone else in here with me?"
And so, there goes confidence in random searching for universal elements with which to connect. Who has the strength to explore when sexual pursuits are questioned by the self and society as a whole? Not to mention the effect a lack of confidence has on an erection.
(pause) oral notation
And so, she and I left one another as if the big bang had just recurred. And here you are, seeing the image of my lips through eyes blurred by the complex set of social issues surrounding sex. (the reference to seeing notes the monologues having been written for a video) On the carnal level that means, you and I won't fuck because of the fear of micro-biological forms of intimacy. But our fears are nothing more then our conservative, intellectual, sexual identities hiding from actual physical needs.
If I were to be the responsible adult required by society I would need to refrain from unbridled sexual exploration and wait for someone of pure and true reason, all along hoping the Universe will re-converge so that "someone special" and I can re-connect as something greater than either of our individual beings.